Death and Destruction Part 2

Where did I leave you peeps…

Oh ya, I was going back to Vancouver, BC.

When I got home, I was set up to meet a shrink. I drove downtown and had to find parking in one of the most impossible places. You know those area downtown where there are buildings everywhere, street parking and insanely expensive underground parking.

I am not a fan of paying for underground parking. Of course, in the state I was in I wasn’t feeling savvy. I remember feeling so frustrated that it wasn’t easier to just find an easy place to park that wasn’t going to cost me a fortune.

The joys of living in the city.

I went into this huge skyscraper and into the foyer. I found the elevator and went up to the floor where the office was. There was a perfect, pretty, slim, well dress secretary at the front desk taking the calls as the front chick for the shrinks.

I told her I had an appointment and she asked me to take a seat.

I waited for what felt like forever. You know how it works. You make an appointment with a doctor, any doctor. You can’t be late for the appointment, but they can make you wait for an hour.

An older man came and got me and brought me to his office. We sat down and immediately I could feel how apathetic he was. He looked like he was on the verge of retiring and it felt like his mind already had.

His body was in the room but his energy, mind, presence was elsewhere. It was pointless to even invest in him at all. Clearly, he wasn’t really going to invest in me.

He had decades of experience I could have learned from and he was clearly too spent to share.

I remember him spouting from Freudian crap at me. I left after the appointment feeling completely hopeless and lost.

This was what society had dictated was the authority.

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!

This is not going to help me at all.

I called the line that Scott gave me the digits for and told them just how wonderful my experience was with the doctor I met.

They told me they would set me up with another one.

I did meet with another one and I had an issue with him for a whole other set of reasons I am not even going to get into. He was pleasant and I liked him, just not for what I needed him for.

Sitting at home later with a cup of tea in my hand I thought…

“What NOW?”

“It’s a huge waste of time to keep going like this. One shrinks to another until at some point maybe I find one.”

“This is not happening.”

“I am only so functional with a severe concussion. “

“Why can’t this just be easy?”

“Oh, right because it never is, DUH!”

I decided to open my mind and explore options that weren’t handed to me by a messed-up society.

I know there are better options out there and even in a compromised state, I am going to find them.

In the meantime, my father who was chilling in a facility, was getting better. He lost weight, he was playing his guitar and making everyone in the building happy. He was socializing with people there. Eating regularly. He was seeing a doctor there which seemed to be helping him.

He was showing huge improvement being away from my mother. Between being born post WW11 in Southern Wales which was bombed to oblivion during the war and marrying my insane mother, he didn’t have a hope in hell of having a healthy mindset.

We discussed him leaving my mother and coming to live with me, which I was really happy about. I had been trying to convince my father to leave my mom for a long time.

I let go of the idea of resolution for my mother, but I believed that my father deserved another chance at a happy life.

At some point they allowed him to go and do a home visit. What they don’t know about my mom is that is she a master manipulator. She had mind control down to a science.

While he was there for the day thing were clearly said that changed his state. He came back to the facility and didn’t say anything. As far as I knew we were planning for him to come live with me.

The day came…

After a month and a half of him living in the facility, he was allowed to sign out and come home. Not until that moment that we were coming to get him to bring him home did he tell us that he was going back to my mother.

I CAN’T EVEN BEGIN TO EXPLAIN TO YOU HOW ANGRY I WAS!!!!

“WTF, ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?”

“I SPENT HOW MUCH TIME AND MONEY SUPPORTING HIM, AND HE DOES THIS”

“I CAN’T EVEN RIGHT NOW!”

Was what going through my mind. I screamed internally and took him back to my mother and let him go.

Then I went home and cried until I had no more tears. I felt so defeated!

In a hot second my mother was able to say something that undid all the work I had done supporting him creating a life in service of himself. He had a chance to start again and be happy and she just wouldn’t let him have it.

I had to mourn and let go. It’s his life and the feelings I have about it are on me.

One of the hardest lessons I have had to learn is to let people have their free agency to destroy their lives.

If I could have a superpower, it would be to take people free agency. It would be used ethically of course.

I would take them in, heal them and when their life is totally transformed, I would hand them their life back and then ask them.

“Do you want to go back to the state you were in before I came in and healed you?”

“NO, I didn’t think so. You’re welcome!”

Is my dream scenario.

In the background while all of this was happening Scott was back and forth between Vancouver, BC and Fort MacMurray, AB working in the oil fields. At the time he was working 7 days on and 7 days off.

He wasn’t allowed to talk on the phone at all while he was at work. He worked 12-hour days which was a long time to not be able to talk to his mother who was literally living in the hospital. She stayed in Toronto for 4 months and was at the hospital so she could be close to Randy. The love of her life.

They grew up in the same small town. Cindy was on the school bus one day. 15 years old. She was looking out the window as the bus drove through her tiny little town on the way home from school. On a field she saw him. This tall, dark and handsome young man. She immediately asked her friend. “WHO IS THAT?”

Her friend said “Oh that’s Randy Jansen”

Cindy responded “I am going to marry that man”

They met, got married, she got pregnant with Scott right away. They built their own home. They had Scott’s younger brother Clayton 5 years after Scott. They ran a beef farm on 500 acres. Randy also worked full time at the sawmill in town which was really the only career of choice.

They lived in Cochrane Ontario a small little town up north where they have a polar bear sanctuary happily, madly in love, surrounded by tons of family and friends.

They travelled around the world and had lots of fun on their holidays. They really had a picture-perfect small-town life. Then at 56 Randy was hit out of nowhere with Liver Cancer.

No one saw it coming.

The next thing Cindy knew was she was living in Toronto Hospital watching the love of her life fight for his life.

Scott did everything he could to support her over the phone going back and forth between work in Fort Mac to being at home with me in Vancouver.

Then Scott received a call from his mother. He was told while at work in Fort Mac that his father wasn’t going to make it.

He kept his phone with him against regulations and was caught. With no understanding of his circumstances, they let him go and he lost his job.

All at once he was told he was losing his father and his job.

He had to fly to Toronto to be with his family. He went without me that time. I had to stay home and deal with my own issues.

2 weeks before Randy declined to the point where they knew he wasn’t going to make it, Scott’s grandmother had a stroke and died in her home in Cochrane, Ont.

Scott had to deal with the loss of his grandmother who was a second mother in his world. His grandparents lived so close that he rode his tricycle to their house, because it was just up the street.

Then he had to go with his family into that horrible ICU unit. They gathered together and had to say Goodbye to Randy after 4 months of fighting hooked up to all the machines.

He had a blood infection and went septic and he wasn’t going to survive. In the end it wasn’t the Cancer that took him.

When they finished their goodbyes, the plug was pulled, and they watched him pass.

I can’t even begin to imagine what that was like.

Scott stays with his family for a while since he didn’t have a job to worry about going back to.

Fortunately, I was in a place where I was making enough to support us while he took care of his family.
Scott had to go on his own journey from that point to mourn, heal and create a new life for himself.

Which he did.

I was at the time trying to figure out what direction I needed to go in. I went onto an app called Meetup. There was a group meditation advertised. I decided mindfulness couldn’t be helpful while I am figuring things out.

So, I signed up and went. It was on a Tuesday night out at this lady’s facility. I drove out and the place was all purple. The walls were purple, the chairs and the meditation pillows were purple. This was my heaven.

Oh, did I mention my favourite colour is purple?

YA, I WANT MY WHOLE WORLD TO BE PURPLE.

It turned out the lady who was running the group meditation was a Hypnotherapist. She did a guided visualization. For the first time in my life, I experienced another person putting me under hypnosis.

It was a really cool experience. In the circle, we pulled oracle cards. She was inspired for some reason to pull 3 different decks that night. It could have been because it was really triggering to me.

My mother taught me that tarot and oracle cards were evil. So, when she pulled them out, I was freaking out inside. After everyone in the circle went around and shared what was on their cards and how it affected them in a positive way. I realized that what was on the cards was just information.

That’s all it was. Words on paper. We put the meaning on it.

If it makes people feel better and it helps them, then how could it be a bad thing.

We make things good or bad when we put meaning on the words.

It was so perfect.

I walked away from that experience with a new friend, a deck of tarot cards, a deck of oracle cards and an amazing feeling after being hypnotized for the first time.

I went home to Scott and gave him the biggest kiss ever.

He was all like “What was that for?”

I said “I GOT THIS”

He said, “You got what baby?”

I said “I don’t know how, but I know I’ve got this. Everything is going to be ok. I know I have it within me to take control of my situation and make everything better.”

For the first time in my life, I felt like I was in the driver’s seat and I could create the life I wanted.

I continued to go to the group meditations once a week and I decided to do some research on Hypnotherapy.

You don’t know this about me yet, but I am maximum effort in all aspects of my life.

So instead of just going and getting hypnotherapy, I decided to become a hypnotherapist.

I signed up with HMI Collage of Hypnotherapy to do my training which allowed me to study when my brain allowed.

Don’t forget I was still dealing with a concussion which slowed me down and dictated how much I could learn in a sitting.

Learning Hypnotherapy, I came to the realization that I have All the Power. Everything I was seeking from an outside source was within.

I started this journey feeling insecure, hopeless, weak, lost.

Discovering Hypnotherapy gave me access to my power, put me in the driver’s seat, gave me control.

It started me on a journey that brought me to where I am today.

In the end I was able to create resolution for myself and create a harmonious relationship with my mind.

Create a strong relationship of self-communication with my mind and body.

I also then created a successful practice as an Expansion Specialist walking people along an expedited version of the path I walked, but with a beautiful guide to support them.

To learn more, go to: http://harmonywoodington.com/